chronic pain · pelvic floor dysfunction · Red Hot Chili Peppers · spirit animals · tattoos

The Snake and the Sparrow

Hi.

How are you?

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written anything here, so today I said to myself…what the hell. I was uploading pics to use here when I came across a cool shot of my legs after I got them freshly tattooed a year ago. I thought–I’ll tell the story of my snake and my sparrow. People will be dying to hear about that. Right?

But first, let’s hear a song from the Red Hot Chili Peppers album One Hot Minute. How about this one. It reminds me of the time my sister and I went to see RHCP because we mainly went to see the opener Foo Fighters. This was in 1999. We got to the venue when over the speakers came the announcement that Foo Fighters would not be preforming because Dave Grohl was experiencing a health issue. Pretty sure he had a stomach virus thing. We were so bummed, but on we went to enjoy the show. Our seats we had purchased that day were clear up like in the 5th to the last row. Way up there. It was actually scary climbing and descending those stairs. Which we did often because my sister drank 5 beers throughout the night. She would look at me and go, “I want another one.” and I’d go, “you want another one?” and she’d go, “yeh.” So there we would go, holding hands, to get more beer. It was fun.

So at one point that night, Flea sat on his amp with his bass and sang this song and my sister and I laughed and laughed.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/BXJjBo_u3WM
Okay, on to the tale you’ve all been waiting to hear.

So remember back in late 2017/early 2018 when I was amazingly sick with fucking pelvic pain? Of course you do. I talk about it a lot here. When I actually talk here. Anyway, during that horrific time, I tried all kinds of things to help myself feel better. One of the better things I did was get massages from my friend Rowynn. She’s also a hypnotherapist and we did some of that work together too. She really did try to help me figure out what the hell was going on at the root of my pain and she did help me immensely.

One time while she was working on me, I had a very clear vision of three-headed snake snapping at people who were trying to take advantage of me or be mean to me or screw with my pretty much nonexistent boundaries.

See? Even then, before I knew I had TMS or even knew what TMS was, I knew my repressed emotions were playing a part in my pain. Hell! They were what caused the pain!

Anyway,

The snake I saw is a symbol of protection and wisdom.

I ended up getting a rattlesnake tattoo on my right leg. My friend Matt did it. It’s awesome.

The snake has also come to represent my pain which was centered in my tailbone. Something upset me or stressed me out? My tailbone hurt. Bad. I couldn’t sit for any length of time. I had such pressure there that it felt like my entire ass might fall out all the time. Sometimes it would burn. Sometimes it would buzz. It always scared the hell out of me. It took me a long time to figure out I needed to listen to what my pain was trying to tell me.

Rowynn will still ask me if I’m struggling with something—what’s your snake saying?

A little while after I was introduced to my rattlesnake, at another appointment with Rowynn, I had a clear vision of a little sparrow sitting in the doorway of a cage looking back and forth like it was thinking to itself—“can I really just fly the hell out of here now? I’m free to go?”

That vision was a wake up call. Like—all the shit that has ever held me back–is gone. Even the old me, who was constantly searching for ways to make everyone else happy, while all the while pretty much ignoring my own wants or needs, was gone. When I endured that pain, I isolated myself. I ignored everyone in my life with the exception of my husband and kids and my one friend Rowynn. I had to. I couldn’t deal with my pain AND having to deal with other people.

It was a very hard but educational time. I changed so much.

That little sparrow looking around at the open sky made me cry. I also envisioned her taking off. And that was very inspiring.

The freedom to do or don’t do what I want and for who I want! Even the freedom to just really be myself. With no apologies whatsoever.

I am the sparrow.

Soon after that vision, I got a sparrow tattoo on my left leg. My friend Naomi did it. It’s awesome.

When I got the sparrow done, I explained to my tattooer buddies…

The snake means

*Leave me the fuck alone!*

The sparrow means

*I’m getting the fuck out of here!*

So there you have it. The story of my snake and my sparrow. Two bad-ass spirit animals, if you will,

always with me in my mind and on my legs.

Tattoos done by Naomi and Matt at Thrill Vulture Tattoo in Westerville Ohio ❤️

bl5

2 thoughts on “The Snake and the Sparrow

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